Good Bye 2008!

Thanks to all of you that inquired about my sister’s surgery. Everything went well and she came through it all with flying colors. The first day after surgery was rough, but after that she managed very well. She was a real trooper. Her fitness level is amazing and we even went on a two mile walk the second day after her surgery – drains and all! Can you believe that? When they got into surgery, the doc realized that the implant from her first mastectomy 18 years ago had ruptured and had to be replaced, so she essentially had a double mastectomy. And remember – she also had a full hysterectomy at the same time. Good grief! And even though I am having a very different type of surgery than she did, it gives me hope that my own surgery will be just as tolerable. Go Janet!

The main difference between her breast surgery and mine is the fact that her implants were placed on top of the muscle – no expanders were needed and she is done. I am choosing to remove more breast tissue than she did so the skin will be too thin to place an implant directly underneath. My implants will have to go beneath the muscle. They will start by making a small pocket beneath the muscle and put expanders in place. Each week, I will have saline injected into my breasts to slowly expand the pocket behind the muscle. After three or four months of injections, the pocket will be big enough to hold an implant. We will then do a quick exchange surgery to replace the expanders with permanent implants.

Most people aren’t aware of how long a process this will be. The doctor won’t start filling the expanders until 4 week after the initial surgery and then it will take approximately 3 - 4 months to get back to the size I am now. It will be May or June when the exchange surgery occurs. I understand the “fill up” each week is not painful, but definitely uncomfortable – kinda like having your braces tightened, I suppose. I made it through 4 years of braces, rubber bands, and head gears – guess I will make it through this as well. Ugh – May or June?? That seems like an eternity from now! Will I ever get my life back from cancer?

On another note, our Christmas was just fine and Eli got the one and only thing he really wanted – a cell phone! It is so fun to see his joy as he explores this new toy. I hope some of the excitement will wear off after a month or two because I’ve already gotten more phone calls and text messages this past four days than I normally get in a month! Eli woke me up at 5:30 this morning to say the neighbor boy across the street – who also got a new phone for Christmas – had just called and wanted to know if Eli could come out and play! 5:30 a.m. is earlier than we get up for school!!! So much for sleeping late during vacation! Looks like we will have to have a talk about boundaries and manners, about when it’s appropriate to call and when it’s not. Although he’s only ten, I thinking we are inching into the adolescent years already.

I’m looking forward to kicking 2008 out the door and getting on with 2009! 2008 is not a year I would care to repeat! And although I have 3 surgeries facing me, it all seems better than having cancer and chemo treatments. This may sound weird, but I feel like I have more control over my recovery after surgery than I did from chemo. I may be fooling myself, but that’s how I feel. Incisions and sore muscles seem much easier than the general malaise that comes with chemo.

So, Happy New Year to all! I hope 2009 is full of peace, health and happiness for everyone.

Churning Urn of Burning Funk

I’m in a funk today. Guess that means it’s time for a post. Don’t you all get tired of reading my complaints? I seem to write here when I am feeling down; less so when I’m happy and energized. I promise – there are happy days too.

First some good news – I had my first three-month follow up appointment post chemo and everything was normal. Wow – has it really been three months since my last chemo??? Time is moving more quickly now. The oncologist wants to see me every three months for the next two years to monitor my health status. I had no idea we would conduct follow up appointments so regularly! The only side effect still lingering from chemo is the neuropathy in my fingers and toes. The doctor says it could be another 4-6 months before that resolves. Goodness. Everything else is well. This is good news indeed.

I also saw the plastic surgeon yesterday for my final visit before the actual surgery. At this visit, we talked about all the possible complications in detail. YIKES! When reconstruction goes well, it is a very good thing. When it goes bad – disaster ensues. I still know this is the risk I’m willing to take, but it certainly leaves me a bit queasy. There are too many complications for me to list here, but just know that one small infection can ruin the whole deal. And can you believe I’ll be on the operating table for approximately 8 hours? Visions of complications floated in and out of my dreams last night leaving me tired and cranky today.

There is one more thing contributing to my funk. Another family member was diagnosed as positive for the gene mutation yesterday. God – it bums me out. That makes 4 relatives now that have tested positive. Aren’t we fortunate to have this information so we can take steps to prevent cancer? Yet why does it make me so sad? I guess I am the person who is closest to the pain of cancer right now and I don’t want anyone I know to experience it. Nor do I want them to carry the seed of worry that comes with the gene mutation. Sigh.

I leave for Nashville on Friday to help my sister after her mastectomy and oophorectomy – another victim of that darned gene. I’m sorry that my sister is having to do all of this but she has been a great sport about it. Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.

All of this makes getting into the holiday spirit difficult, but I am trying. We cut down a tree this past weekend along with our friends, the Daughertys. This has been our tradition now for the last 8 or 9 years. The kids have a blast selecting their tree and trying to saw it down before the dads finally take over. I also got out my snowman collection and placed them around the house. I remembered one of the reasons I started collecting snowmen is that they are all happy. Think about it - you never see a frowning snowman! Their smiles make me smile:) I’ll keep making the motions and eventually the spirit will catch up with me.

Sorry to be so grumpy. I'll try again tomorrow.