I’m in a funk today. Guess that means it’s time for a post. Don’t you all get tired of reading my complaints? I seem to write here when I am feeling down; less so when I’m happy and energized. I promise – there are happy days too.
First some good news – I had my first three-month follow up appointment post chemo and everything was normal. Wow – has it really been three months since my last chemo??? Time is moving more quickly now. The oncologist wants to see me every three months for the next two years to monitor my health status. I had no idea we would conduct follow up appointments so regularly! The only side effect still lingering from chemo is the neuropathy in my fingers and toes. The doctor says it could be another 4-6 months before that resolves. Goodness. Everything else is well. This is good news indeed.
I also saw the plastic surgeon yesterday for my final visit before the actual surgery. At this visit, we talked about all the possible complications in detail. YIKES! When reconstruction goes well, it is a very good thing. When it goes bad – disaster ensues. I still know this is the risk I’m willing to take, but it certainly leaves me a bit queasy. There are too many complications for me to list here, but just know that one small infection can ruin the whole deal. And can you believe I’ll be on the operating table for approximately 8 hours? Visions of complications floated in and out of my dreams last night leaving me tired and cranky today.
There is one more thing contributing to my funk. Another family member was diagnosed as positive for the gene mutation yesterday. God – it bums me out. That makes 4 relatives now that have tested positive. Aren’t we fortunate to have this information so we can take steps to prevent cancer? Yet why does it make me so sad? I guess I am the person who is closest to the pain of cancer right now and I don’t want anyone I know to experience it. Nor do I want them to carry the seed of worry that comes with the gene mutation. Sigh.
I leave for Nashville on Friday to help my sister after her mastectomy and oophorectomy – another victim of that darned gene. I’m sorry that my sister is having to do all of this but she has been a great sport about it. Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.
All of this makes getting into the holiday spirit difficult, but I am trying. We cut down a tree this past weekend along with our friends, the Daughertys. This has been our tradition now for the last 8 or 9 years. The kids have a blast selecting their tree and trying to saw it down before the dads finally take over. I also got out my snowman collection and placed them around the house. I remembered one of the reasons I started collecting snowmen is that they are all happy. Think about it - you never see a frowning snowman! Their smiles make me smile:) I’ll keep making the motions and eventually the spirit will catch up with me.
Sorry to be so grumpy. I'll try again tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
You know reading your "reasons" for experiencing "funk" I find myself feeling that it would be hugely irrational if you were not feeling as you are. Your feelings seem so appropriate for what you are living through and actually seem very understated.
I know you read out Blog The Heron Clan (which we appreciate by the way) and doing so you have likely noticed that swan posts way more about her angst than she does her moments of gladness.
We three will be sending you all our best energies for your forthcoming surgery and our best happy thoughts that you get to enjoy the holidays despite all this melodrama. The Chrixstmas tree ritual with your famil sounds wonderful.
Thank you for reading TheHeronClan and I hope we can make a contribution to your blogging as you do for us.
All the best,
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.
I cannot speak to the trauma of your surgery and the ensuing cancer treatments. I can speak to the pain of post-surgery recovery; of learning to live in a new body that feels completely foreign... This takes time and the process is not "straight line." You will have days of "funkiness" and days of great gladness. With time, the balance will shift to the positive side, but it takes longer than most people will tell you. I am three years now from my surgery, and I am, at long last, really mostly glad and joyful. I can tell the difference. I'm nervous that it won't last, but I know that I am better than I once was.
Keep doing the things that bring you into contact with your life. Living is the thing we all do. It is the connection we share.
I wish you a wonderful, joyful, celebrative holiday, and all the very best on your upcoming surgery.
hugs, swan
To Tom and Swan - Thank you so much for your kind words. They truly were a comfort to me. And thank you for recognizing that "funkiness" is an undeniable part of this whole process. The road ahead is still very long.
May all the good holiday wishes you sent to me be doubly true for you! (Or rather 3xs true for you!)
Best Wishes,
JoJo
Sherri Jo, As I read your post what I saw was truth - your truth. Remember that your blog is for you - shit rant all you want. It's not about writing so that others want to come back and read, rather it's your story, your truths and some of these are simply different then what you could have ever imagined a year ago.
I appreciate the fact that you continue to write even when it may not be the story you want to be telling, rather the story of what is.
Happy Holidays to you and a big hug from Seattle, Michele
The funk comes, there's not much you can really do about it. Best of luck with your surgery, I'm too big a wimp to try it yet so show em how it's done!
Kate
Post a Comment