Churning Urn of Burning Funk

I’m in a funk today. Guess that means it’s time for a post. Don’t you all get tired of reading my complaints? I seem to write here when I am feeling down; less so when I’m happy and energized. I promise – there are happy days too.

First some good news – I had my first three-month follow up appointment post chemo and everything was normal. Wow – has it really been three months since my last chemo??? Time is moving more quickly now. The oncologist wants to see me every three months for the next two years to monitor my health status. I had no idea we would conduct follow up appointments so regularly! The only side effect still lingering from chemo is the neuropathy in my fingers and toes. The doctor says it could be another 4-6 months before that resolves. Goodness. Everything else is well. This is good news indeed.

I also saw the plastic surgeon yesterday for my final visit before the actual surgery. At this visit, we talked about all the possible complications in detail. YIKES! When reconstruction goes well, it is a very good thing. When it goes bad – disaster ensues. I still know this is the risk I’m willing to take, but it certainly leaves me a bit queasy. There are too many complications for me to list here, but just know that one small infection can ruin the whole deal. And can you believe I’ll be on the operating table for approximately 8 hours? Visions of complications floated in and out of my dreams last night leaving me tired and cranky today.

There is one more thing contributing to my funk. Another family member was diagnosed as positive for the gene mutation yesterday. God – it bums me out. That makes 4 relatives now that have tested positive. Aren’t we fortunate to have this information so we can take steps to prevent cancer? Yet why does it make me so sad? I guess I am the person who is closest to the pain of cancer right now and I don’t want anyone I know to experience it. Nor do I want them to carry the seed of worry that comes with the gene mutation. Sigh.

I leave for Nashville on Friday to help my sister after her mastectomy and oophorectomy – another victim of that darned gene. I’m sorry that my sister is having to do all of this but she has been a great sport about it. Keep your fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.

All of this makes getting into the holiday spirit difficult, but I am trying. We cut down a tree this past weekend along with our friends, the Daughertys. This has been our tradition now for the last 8 or 9 years. The kids have a blast selecting their tree and trying to saw it down before the dads finally take over. I also got out my snowman collection and placed them around the house. I remembered one of the reasons I started collecting snowmen is that they are all happy. Think about it - you never see a frowning snowman! Their smiles make me smile:) I’ll keep making the motions and eventually the spirit will catch up with me.

Sorry to be so grumpy. I'll try again tomorrow.

A Curve In The Road

Life threw me a bit of a curve ball yesterday. Part of me isn’t ready to share this news yet and another part of me can’t hold it in.

Many of you may remember that I submitted blood work months ago for the breast cancer gene test. Wednesday I learned that I am positive for the BRCA2 breast cancer gene.

Damn.

The numbers behind the BRCA2 gene mutation are powerful. If you possess the gene, there is a 56% -87% chance that you will develop breast cancer before age 70 and a 27% - 44% chance of ovarian cancer. If you have ALREADY HAD breast cancer, there is a 64% chance that you will develop it again. And we are talking about a new, primary tumor in a different location or different breast – not a recurrence of the first tumor.

These are BIG numbers. I am looking at a 64% chance of another breast cancer tumor! Shit!

Needless to say, I am now faced with the decision of removing both breasts and my ovaries. Of course I will explore all options and talk to many experts, but my initial reaction is to say “take it all.” I do not want to play those odds. It’s a butt load of surgery and it sounds horrible, but I do not want to mess around with cancer any more. Fortunately, the decision isn’t urgent. There certainly won’t be any surgery until after my chemo is complete at the end of August.

I am trying to look at the upside of this. At least I know about the risk and I have the option to take various actions. I can prevent the cancer from occurring. I am empowered. I also have the opportunity to help a lot of women (and men) in my extended family. The analysis of my DNA was comprehensive and required 17,000 individual tests. But now they know specifically where to look for the gene and anyone in my family can have a simple, inexpensive test to determine if they carry the gene as well. Looking at my family history, the gene most likely comes from my dad. He will be tested first. If his test is positive, we will notify all the other family members.

This news was hard. I was so happy with the lumpectomy. Bi-lateral mastectomy? Ugh! I am emotionally devastated and my head is in a thick fog. There were plenty of tears yesterday and neither Ben nor I went back to work after the 10 a.m. appointment with the geneticist. I wasn’t able to maintain my composure or concentrate on anything. We drove out to the lake and watched our son who is participating in the Junior Learn-to-Sail program this week.

Today I am exhausted and very unfocused. I didn’t sleep much. I thought I was over the hump and now there is another whole game. I know - I know things could be much worse. I know I will be okay. Like everything else, it will just take time.

If you are interested in learning more about the BRCA2 gene and what it means, go here:
http://www.myriadtests.com/result-br1-positive.htm