Just thought I'd give you a peek at my burns so you can have lots of sympathy for me. The incisions look pretty good... the burn is another thing all together!
My arm pit:
Ouchy!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Burn Pics
(**UPDATE** These photos don't look the same on all computer monitors. On some monitors, you can barely tell the burns are there. Trust me - the burns were very red in real life!)
Just thought I'd give you a peek at my burns so you can have lots of sympathy for me. The incisions look pretty good... the burn is another thing all together!
Just thought I'd give you a peek at my burns so you can have lots of sympathy for me. The incisions look pretty good... the burn is another thing all together!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Adhesive Burns
Well... I still didn't make it to work today. I was very uncomfortable all night long and couldn't sleep - even with pain meds. This morning, I realized that my breast and underarm are burned. Some small areas are even blistered and oozing. I am obviously allergic to the adhesive that is used to attach the steri-strips to my skin. They spread the "glue" all over your skin before they attach the strips. All the areas touched by the glue have turned red.
I am uncomfortable moving around without a sports bra on for support and my skin couldn't handle the tightness of the bra touching it. So I stayed in bed wearing a light pajama top. I also cut off some of the unnecessary ends of the steri-strips. It's feeling better this afternoon.
Just have to see what the night brings before I know how I'll feel tomorrow.
I am uncomfortable moving around without a sports bra on for support and my skin couldn't handle the tightness of the bra touching it. So I stayed in bed wearing a light pajama top. I also cut off some of the unnecessary ends of the steri-strips. It's feeling better this afternoon.
Just have to see what the night brings before I know how I'll feel tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Notes on Healing
So, the healing has been going well. The pain hasn’t been too bad; mostly I’ve just been tired. I’ve slept many hours every day. The pain medicine contributes to the sleepiness, but mostly I think your body burns all of its energy in healing the wound. Plus, I think all of the stress leading up to the surgery wore me out. Knowing the good outcome allowed me to finally relax a little.
I’ve once again confirmed that daytime television is truly a load of crap. Actually, I was secretly looking forward to watching Oprah and The View everyday (something I would never admit to any of you in person!) but I never made it past 5 minutes of either show without falling asleep. My goodness, I forget that there is another whole world out there on the airwaves! Soap operas I can understand to some degree, but do people really watch Jerry Springer and Montel Williams? And why are there so many different courtroom shows? I saw one talk show that highlighted men who get pleasure by paying morbidly obese woman to sit upon them and squish them. I am not making this up.
I decided I should probably go back to work.
I went back on Tuesday – one week post surgery. I guess we will call it a transitional day. I went in at 10:00, took a two hour lunch, and left a 4:30. Mostly, I stared at my “To Do” list and thumbed through all the phone messages. I promised myself I’d do better on Wednesday.
But then Wednesday arrived. I had my post surgery follow up with the surgeon in the morning. I was so proud of my progress and I felt I was a model patient. When the doctor examined me he said there was a fluid build up inside the incision – how he could tell this I still don’t know. I couldn’t feel or see anything unusual. First he ripped off all the steri-strips (ouch). I am sensitive to adhesive so there is a good deal of skin irritation underneath. Then he proceeded to clean off the area with an alcohol swab that stung like crazy! He placed a needle in the incision and drained off 40 ccs of fluid. The nurse placed pressure on my breast to help all the fluid drain. Sounds painful, but it really wasn’t. He adds new steri-strips and orders me back in one week.
As I start to get dressed I realize that my boob is not happy about being handled so roughly. And my skin feels like it’s on fire. By time I got to my car, I was beginning to wonder if I’d be able to drive. Within a few minutes, I realize that I am in a great deal of pain that isn’t going to subside quickly. I was in the same amount of pain as the day after surgery! Suddenly, I felt back to square one. I needed drugs!
I made it to the office for just a few minutes to take care of one important piece of business. Then I drove home (with one arm) and tried to calm the fire inside. Things were better within a few hours, but I am still feeling very tender. Thank god I gave up the idea of going to Seattle this week. It would have been a mistake!
I guess the whole thing kinda caught me by surprise. I thought I was doing so well…. I thought we were just going to look at the incision – not poke around on it! I think maybe I underestimated the magnitude of my injuries.
I am feeling better now and I think I will be fine to try work again on Thursday. I just have to realize that I am still fairly vulnerable.
I’ve once again confirmed that daytime television is truly a load of crap. Actually, I was secretly looking forward to watching Oprah and The View everyday (something I would never admit to any of you in person!) but I never made it past 5 minutes of either show without falling asleep. My goodness, I forget that there is another whole world out there on the airwaves! Soap operas I can understand to some degree, but do people really watch Jerry Springer and Montel Williams? And why are there so many different courtroom shows? I saw one talk show that highlighted men who get pleasure by paying morbidly obese woman to sit upon them and squish them. I am not making this up.
I decided I should probably go back to work.
I went back on Tuesday – one week post surgery. I guess we will call it a transitional day. I went in at 10:00, took a two hour lunch, and left a 4:30. Mostly, I stared at my “To Do” list and thumbed through all the phone messages. I promised myself I’d do better on Wednesday.
But then Wednesday arrived. I had my post surgery follow up with the surgeon in the morning. I was so proud of my progress and I felt I was a model patient. When the doctor examined me he said there was a fluid build up inside the incision – how he could tell this I still don’t know. I couldn’t feel or see anything unusual. First he ripped off all the steri-strips (ouch). I am sensitive to adhesive so there is a good deal of skin irritation underneath. Then he proceeded to clean off the area with an alcohol swab that stung like crazy! He placed a needle in the incision and drained off 40 ccs of fluid. The nurse placed pressure on my breast to help all the fluid drain. Sounds painful, but it really wasn’t. He adds new steri-strips and orders me back in one week.
As I start to get dressed I realize that my boob is not happy about being handled so roughly. And my skin feels like it’s on fire. By time I got to my car, I was beginning to wonder if I’d be able to drive. Within a few minutes, I realize that I am in a great deal of pain that isn’t going to subside quickly. I was in the same amount of pain as the day after surgery! Suddenly, I felt back to square one. I needed drugs!
I made it to the office for just a few minutes to take care of one important piece of business. Then I drove home (with one arm) and tried to calm the fire inside. Things were better within a few hours, but I am still feeling very tender. Thank god I gave up the idea of going to Seattle this week. It would have been a mistake!
I guess the whole thing kinda caught me by surprise. I thought I was doing so well…. I thought we were just going to look at the incision – not poke around on it! I think maybe I underestimated the magnitude of my injuries.
I am feeling better now and I think I will be fine to try work again on Thursday. I just have to realize that I am still fairly vulnerable.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Surgery Is Over
Whew! I’m so glad to have the surgery part over. It is such a relief to hear that the sentinel node was negative. I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The initial pathology that happens while you are on the table is considered about 90% accurate and they conduct a more thorough pathology exam on the node and the removed tissue once surgery is complete. There’s a chance that the full pathology exam could identify some cancerous cells – but the chances are slim.
The sentinel node procedure is way cool – and way painful! I had to have four injections into my areola! Four needle sticks without any numbing agent or any pain killers! And it burns and stings like a mother tucker – YEOW! You know it’s bad when the doctor looks you in the eye and says, “This is going to hurt. I’m sorry. Feel free to scream, cuss, or call me names.” The only thing I can say is that the doctor was VERY quick and the burning went away within a few seconds. And of course the temporary pain was worth it considering the procedure may prevent you from having a large incision under your arm and the unnecessary removal of clean lymph nodes (as it did for me).
About 10 – 15 minutes before they take you into the operating room, you get a nice “cocktail” to help you relax. At that point, you don’t care what they do to you! (Some of you have seen the picture my husband dared to take of me in this goofy state! I will not be posting it here!) All my memories are a little fuzzy after that. I remember rolling into the operating room and having the oxygen mask put to my face. Then lights out!
Waking up is just as fuzzy. I remember asking about the node… several times... and being happy that it was negative. I started to have some nausea and they quickly gave me some phenergin which promptly knocked me out again for about 2 hours. When I awoke – the nausea was completely gone and they said I could go home instead of staying at the hospital. More good news!
The incision on my breast is not the same orientation we had discussed and I don’t like it. But I am happy to say there doesn’t appear to be any noticeable change in the shape or size of my breast. I don’t even have any swelling. The pain is tolerable and I think I will be okay in 4 or 5 days. My breast and underarm are covered with steri-strips so it will be a few weeks before I can actually “meet” the scar that will be a part of my life now.
Stop the presses! Just got a call from the doctor. The path report came back clean! The two nodes they took were clean and the margins around the tumor were clean. Yee ha! Feeling lucky. Think I‘ll take the advice of my friend Jane and go buy a lottery ticket! This is the best news yet!
Gonna relax the rest of this week and the weekend. I’ll probably go back to work Monday or Tuesday. As I said before, the pain is pretty tolerable, I just feel like I want to sleep all the time. I think I only need the pain killers for night time now, which means I will have a lot left over. Hey - if you’re real nice to me I might share:)
The sentinel node procedure is way cool – and way painful! I had to have four injections into my areola! Four needle sticks without any numbing agent or any pain killers! And it burns and stings like a mother tucker – YEOW! You know it’s bad when the doctor looks you in the eye and says, “This is going to hurt. I’m sorry. Feel free to scream, cuss, or call me names.” The only thing I can say is that the doctor was VERY quick and the burning went away within a few seconds. And of course the temporary pain was worth it considering the procedure may prevent you from having a large incision under your arm and the unnecessary removal of clean lymph nodes (as it did for me).
About 10 – 15 minutes before they take you into the operating room, you get a nice “cocktail” to help you relax. At that point, you don’t care what they do to you! (Some of you have seen the picture my husband dared to take of me in this goofy state! I will not be posting it here!) All my memories are a little fuzzy after that. I remember rolling into the operating room and having the oxygen mask put to my face. Then lights out!
Waking up is just as fuzzy. I remember asking about the node… several times... and being happy that it was negative. I started to have some nausea and they quickly gave me some phenergin which promptly knocked me out again for about 2 hours. When I awoke – the nausea was completely gone and they said I could go home instead of staying at the hospital. More good news!
The incision on my breast is not the same orientation we had discussed and I don’t like it. But I am happy to say there doesn’t appear to be any noticeable change in the shape or size of my breast. I don’t even have any swelling. The pain is tolerable and I think I will be okay in 4 or 5 days. My breast and underarm are covered with steri-strips so it will be a few weeks before I can actually “meet” the scar that will be a part of my life now.
Stop the presses! Just got a call from the doctor. The path report came back clean! The two nodes they took were clean and the margins around the tumor were clean. Yee ha! Feeling lucky. Think I‘ll take the advice of my friend Jane and go buy a lottery ticket! This is the best news yet!
Gonna relax the rest of this week and the weekend. I’ll probably go back to work Monday or Tuesday. As I said before, the pain is pretty tolerable, I just feel like I want to sleep all the time. I think I only need the pain killers for night time now, which means I will have a lot left over. Hey - if you’re real nice to me I might share:)
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
NODES ARE NEGATIVE!!
The nodes were negative! This is great, great news.
Surgery went well. I got to come home vs. staying at the hospital. I'm resting comfortably.
More later...
Surgery went well. I got to come home vs. staying at the hospital. I'm resting comfortably.
More later...
Monday, April 21, 2008
Last Minute Details
I check in at 6:00 a.m. for surgery. Ugh - I am NOT a morning person. I go to Radiology at 7:15 a.m. for the marking of the sentinel node and surgery should be around 9:00 a.m. I'm guessing an hour for surgery, 30-45 minutes in recovery, and in a room by 12:30 -1:00. Sleep the rest of the afternoon. Spend one night in the hospital and go home on Wednesday.
I am a little anxious this afternoon. All of the anxiety I put aside during the delay is catching up with me. I am not nervous about the surgery itself - just anxious about the final outcome. You know... the dreaded scar. What was that mantra again? Oh yeah.... Remember the bigger picture; I will learn to embrace the scar. Remember the bigger picture; I will learn to embrace the scar. Remember the bigger picture...
Oh, I am so ready to get this over with! I wish I could go home and go to sleep right now. Alas, there is a baseball game and a little boy who would be very disappointed if his mother did not attend.
I will post my surgical experiences (what I remember of them!) when I get out of the hospital. I'll talk to you all on the other side of this thing!
I am a little anxious this afternoon. All of the anxiety I put aside during the delay is catching up with me. I am not nervous about the surgery itself - just anxious about the final outcome. You know... the dreaded scar. What was that mantra again? Oh yeah.... Remember the bigger picture; I will learn to embrace the scar. Remember the bigger picture; I will learn to embrace the scar. Remember the bigger picture...
Oh, I am so ready to get this over with! I wish I could go home and go to sleep right now. Alas, there is a baseball game and a little boy who would be very disappointed if his mother did not attend.
I will post my surgical experiences (what I remember of them!) when I get out of the hospital. I'll talk to you all on the other side of this thing!
The Guesthouse
A little wisdom from the great Persian poet Rumi.
The Guesthouse
This being human is a guesthouse
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture
Still treat each guest honorably
He may be cleaning you out
For some new delight!
The dark thought, the shame, the malice
Meet them at the door laughing
And invite them in
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent
As a guide from the beyond
Translated by Coleman Barks
The Guesthouse
This being human is a guesthouse
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture
Still treat each guest honorably
He may be cleaning you out
For some new delight!
The dark thought, the shame, the malice
Meet them at the door laughing
And invite them in
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent
As a guide from the beyond
Translated by Coleman Barks
Friday, April 18, 2008
Hurry Up And Wait
When the doctor's office let me know my surgery had to be re-scheduled, I almost told them they had to send a bottle of valium to me as a penalty fee! And the valium wasn't for me only - some of my friends and family were more stressed about the re-scheduling than I was! It was frustrating, but I made the decision not to get upset about it. The scheduler told me that the doctor had some personal business he had to take care of. I figure the doctor is a human too and needs his time now and then. The date will come soon enough.
Now that the initial shock of the word CANCER has worn off and I have better information, I am trying to scale down the drama of everything. (Me? A drama queen?) It's very easy to get caught up in the fear and emotion of cancer and get carried away. It can consume you. I have to stop and remind myself that this isn't a terrible tragedy - at least not yet. Yes - I will have a scar on one of the loveliest parts of my body. Yes - the chemo will make me lose my hair and feel bad. Yes - I will have to live with some uncertainty (don't we all every day?). But I will get better, and I will go on with my life for the time being. And what if I have a recurrence? I'd hate to think that I'd spent my limited time moping or in some heightened state of anxiety or crisis. I have to learn to deal with this diagnosis with some amount of peacefulness.
I'm not promising that there won't be bad days or that I won't whine. I'm not promising to swear off all drama... I'm just saying that I am trying to decrease the drama and raise the peace. Having a treatment plan helps a great deal. I know where I'm going now and what I have to do.
Speaking of a treatment plan... I had an opportunity to speak with Steven, a good friend of mine who is a surgeon living in Miami. Steven concurred with my decision to have a lumpectomy vs. mastectomy and laid out all of his reasons why. As he was speaking, he echoed all of my thoughts almost exactly. It was so comforting to have someone with great knowledge and experience, who knows me well, to reach the same conclusion as I did. I was having some anxiety about my decision, but after talking to Steven, I know I've made the best choice for me without a doubt. Why didn't I talk to him sooner?
Btw - I was finally able to get out of jury duty. It took me awhile to get someone on the phone, but once I did, they were very nice. I had to ask my doctor to fax a letter stating that I needed to be excused for medical reasons. I feel kinda weird because I don't have a piece of paper or anything that verifies I've been excused - I only have the word of the bailiff over the phone. What's the penalty for skipping out on jury duty?
Now that the initial shock of the word CANCER has worn off and I have better information, I am trying to scale down the drama of everything. (Me? A drama queen?) It's very easy to get caught up in the fear and emotion of cancer and get carried away. It can consume you. I have to stop and remind myself that this isn't a terrible tragedy - at least not yet. Yes - I will have a scar on one of the loveliest parts of my body. Yes - the chemo will make me lose my hair and feel bad. Yes - I will have to live with some uncertainty (don't we all every day?). But I will get better, and I will go on with my life for the time being. And what if I have a recurrence? I'd hate to think that I'd spent my limited time moping or in some heightened state of anxiety or crisis. I have to learn to deal with this diagnosis with some amount of peacefulness.
I'm not promising that there won't be bad days or that I won't whine. I'm not promising to swear off all drama... I'm just saying that I am trying to decrease the drama and raise the peace. Having a treatment plan helps a great deal. I know where I'm going now and what I have to do.
Speaking of a treatment plan... I had an opportunity to speak with Steven, a good friend of mine who is a surgeon living in Miami. Steven concurred with my decision to have a lumpectomy vs. mastectomy and laid out all of his reasons why. As he was speaking, he echoed all of my thoughts almost exactly. It was so comforting to have someone with great knowledge and experience, who knows me well, to reach the same conclusion as I did. I was having some anxiety about my decision, but after talking to Steven, I know I've made the best choice for me without a doubt. Why didn't I talk to him sooner?
Btw - I was finally able to get out of jury duty. It took me awhile to get someone on the phone, but once I did, they were very nice. I had to ask my doctor to fax a letter stating that I needed to be excused for medical reasons. I feel kinda weird because I don't have a piece of paper or anything that verifies I've been excused - I only have the word of the bailiff over the phone. What's the penalty for skipping out on jury duty?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
New Date!
Got the call from the doctor's office right after I posted the last message! The surgery will now be on TUESDAY, APRIL 22nd.
Rats!
My surgery for Thursday has been CANCELLED because of a scheduling conflict with the doctor. Looks like it will be re-scheduled for next Monday or Tuesday. I will post here when I find out the new date.
Well, this certainly messes up my plans! I'm trying not to be too frustrated by it. I don't know why, but I somehow feel that there is a good reason for the postponement...
More later.
Well, this certainly messes up my plans! I'm trying not to be too frustrated by it. I don't know why, but I somehow feel that there is a good reason for the postponement...
More later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
