I keep thinking that I will have some kind of personal epiphany due to my cancer journey. I mean, aren’t I supposed to learn some valuable life lesson from this adversity that I will carry with me the rest of my life? Aren’t I supposed to have a life altering “ah-ha!” moment that changes me forever? Now that I have joined the cancer club, I pretty much expected the clouds to part and a ray of light would shine down illuminating the great “cancer gods” who would reveal the meaning of life to me - or something prophetic like that. I was hoping a clever, Lance Armstrong-like slogan would form in my head and I would be able to hand out sage advice to all those around me who have not stared the “Big C” straight in the face.
I got nothing.
Well, that is, I got nothing clever. I have learned a few things about myself and about my life that I didn’t really notice before.
I never fully realized what wonderful family and friends I have until I got cancer. I never realized how MANY friends I have nor had I ever truly realized the depths of my friendships. I never appreciated how many intelligent, funny, and caring individuals I know! How lucky I am to have family and friends that are so wise and witty and that show up when it matters most. Your outreach to me has made a significant impact; each and every one of you has touched my heart in some special way. It sounds kinda weird to say, but I felt validated as a person recognizing all the good friends I have. It made me think that maybe I’m not such a bad person after all :) It feels good to know that such wonderful people love you, care about you, and are concerned for your safety. I had a true Sally Fields moment where I realized, “They like me – they really like me!”
I realized something else important. I’m not sure I have paid enough attention when others are in a crisis. Have I shown up when it was important? I don’t think I’ve been the best at sending cards or meals or making phone calls. My mailbox and inbox have stayed full since my diagnosis; I now know how much a simple card can mean. It seems every time I was feeling low, a note of some kind would arrive and lift my spirits. How hard is that? Why haven’t I been more attentive to these kinds of things? And many people went way beyond a simple note. You brought meals, you sent flowers and gifts. You listened to me cry or bitch or you made me laugh. This whole experience has taught me I need to be more aware of what’s happening to other people and reach out to them – even if it’s just in a small way. I will do better. In the words of the dumb blonde, “It isn’t rocket surgery.”
So…all of this is important stuff – even if it isn’t clever or earth shattering. Maybe those clouds will still part, maybe the epiphany will eventually arrive. If it does… I’ll be sure to fill you in.
I got nothing.
Well, that is, I got nothing clever. I have learned a few things about myself and about my life that I didn’t really notice before.
I never fully realized what wonderful family and friends I have until I got cancer. I never realized how MANY friends I have nor had I ever truly realized the depths of my friendships. I never appreciated how many intelligent, funny, and caring individuals I know! How lucky I am to have family and friends that are so wise and witty and that show up when it matters most. Your outreach to me has made a significant impact; each and every one of you has touched my heart in some special way. It sounds kinda weird to say, but I felt validated as a person recognizing all the good friends I have. It made me think that maybe I’m not such a bad person after all :) It feels good to know that such wonderful people love you, care about you, and are concerned for your safety. I had a true Sally Fields moment where I realized, “They like me – they really like me!”
I realized something else important. I’m not sure I have paid enough attention when others are in a crisis. Have I shown up when it was important? I don’t think I’ve been the best at sending cards or meals or making phone calls. My mailbox and inbox have stayed full since my diagnosis; I now know how much a simple card can mean. It seems every time I was feeling low, a note of some kind would arrive and lift my spirits. How hard is that? Why haven’t I been more attentive to these kinds of things? And many people went way beyond a simple note. You brought meals, you sent flowers and gifts. You listened to me cry or bitch or you made me laugh. This whole experience has taught me I need to be more aware of what’s happening to other people and reach out to them – even if it’s just in a small way. I will do better. In the words of the dumb blonde, “It isn’t rocket surgery.”
So…all of this is important stuff – even if it isn’t clever or earth shattering. Maybe those clouds will still part, maybe the epiphany will eventually arrive. If it does… I’ll be sure to fill you in.
801
2 comments:
Having had my own near death experience I say this: Don't put off buying that big TV. And as far as showing up, you did, but I would always love you if you hadn't. DCM
This too will pass, it will pass, it will pass. You have come this far, and you will make it all the way, even through the big surgeries. I believe they will be much easier physically than the chemo. Mentally, well, remember, they are only body parts! I am inspired that you go to the gym! I need to go! Call me, and we'll go together! Many prayers, and much love, Cathy
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