Well, I haven't posted here in awhile because.... there isn't much to report! Also, I am busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking!
I am adjusting to the foobs and the way they feel. I have some minor tenderness still, but nothing to limit my activities. I am even sleeping on my stomach - something I thought I would never do again! The foobs feel very strange when I'm floating in water and sometimes the muscles contract weirdly when I am using my arms. I don't really know how to explain what I mean - mostly it's that I can feel the wave of the contraction move up and over the mound of my breast. Freaky! I am very pleased with the final outcome and am beginning to believe that one day they will actually feel normal to me. Each day I notice them less. I have one last follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon and then I will be released from his care.
Since the exchange surgery, I have been having some memory issues. I'm having trouble recalling words sometimes and one day I couldn't remember the name of my favorite restaurant. I have trouble recalling recent activities and do that thing where I walk into a room and can't remember what I came to do. I miss a lot of turns while driving. I know all of you will say you do the same things, but this isn't your everyday forgetfulness... it's different. It is a deeper blankness than I've ever felt before. I simply can not remember. I'm not sure if it's due to all the anesthesia or a delayed chemo side effect. Lots of people talk about "chemo brain" and say that it can develop well after the treatments are done. There is even research now that validates the phenomena. I wouldn't say I am impaired - but I definitely feel the difference.
The oophorectomy (ovary removal) is still hanging over my head. I am dragging my feet and dreading the menopausal symptoms that will accompany it. I experienced "chemopause" during the chemo treatments and had severe hot flashes. I felt out of control and claustrophobic in my own body. It's those drenching sweats in the middle of the night that are most disturbing. I don't get it - why does my body overheat more so when I'm lying down than when I'm up and moving around? Sigh. I need to schedule an appointment and get it done.
The rest of life is busy. We went on a trip to Destin, Florida this summer and had a nice time. I got sun burnt trying to make up for the loss of all sun last summer! But in truth, it felt good. It made me feel alive and healthy and the opposite of a cancer patient.
Eli is back in school and we are reluctantly letting go of our summer hours and embracing the school schedule. And I am taking a class at UALR! It is fun and strange, all at the same time, to be back on a college campus. I am also chairing an event to celebrate the 50th anniversary of our sailing club which is consuming a great deal of my time at the moment. It feels good to be doing more things.
In light of all the health care debate, I am once again reminded of how lucky I am to have such good medical care available to me. Not only am I alive and healthy, but I was able to receive some damn good plastic surgery that makes me look and feel normal. What a gift for me!
Now that the majority of my "crisis" is over, I feel less compelled to post here. So if you don't see anything for awhile rest assured - no news is goods news!
3 comments:
I am so glad to have been able to come with you to this point in your journey. And, I am so glad to hear you feeling well and stronger day by day.
Should you come to a place where you need to talk through the post oophrectomy changes -- I've been there and done that...
As for the "chemo brain" thing -- it sounds a lot like the issues I had during the years that I took topamax for my migraines. Huge shifts in my mental functioning and processing. I did adapt to it over time and it became less and less of a "disability." Perhaps that will be your experience as well... I hope so.
Hugs, swan
I hate it that you are experiencing the mental changes. I went through a terrible bout like you were describing after my exchanage and oophorectomy. At times, all I could do was cry. So often I was afraid I was loosing my mind. No one around me seemed to understand, except for my mom who has experience the chemo brain you are referring to.
It has become a bit easier for me over the last couple of months and I hope it does for you too. Until then, buy lots of paper to write lists to remember by.
50 years - WOW! Your club is truly my favorite club to sail at (probaby has quite a bit to do with the people too).
Erin (from FORCE)
I totally hear you on the memory thing. I'm about a year and half out of chemo and it's still an issue. Some days I think it's worse than when I was actually on chemo. Sticky notes, Outlook, and a Smartphone are my best friends.
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