I'm not sure if it's fatigue, hormones or what. I think maybe the stress of this whole ordeal is finally letting loose. My doctor warned me that I might have some feelings of sadness and she was right. I don't feel depressed - just emotional. I was unsteady there for a few days and I couldn't really tell you why. Part of the emotion is just a big feeling of relief - knowing I have reached the finish line for this leg of the race. Part of it is knowing that you got a scary glimpse of death and that you aren't ready to go there yet. I will save that discussion for another day.
God - I am done with chemo!!!!! I am just now really beginning to appreciate that it's over.
I found I have lost a great deal of strength and stamina. My legs are like wet noodles and walking up the stairs leaves me winded and my thighs burning! How did this happen? I can't stand or walk for very long without my legs starting to shake. In addition, I am experiencing some fairly intense neuropathy in my hands and feet (a chemo side effect) and if I stand too long my feet start to get that pins and needles feeling. I had great intentions of going to Washington D.C. this Monday for a meeting, but I realized that I am just too weak. I'm really disappointed that I couldn't attend the meeting but I don't think I could make it through the airport without collapsing. I took a trip to Wal-Mart on Saturday and had to take a 2 hour nap when I got back! It's gonna take some time.... and exercise.... before I regain my strength.
I was pretty weak Thursday and Friday but I probably could have made it to work for part of the day. I decided that I needed the time for myself instead. I did some short errands and tried to reclaim my house from the mess that has piled up during my last recovery. I unpacked the suitcase that has been sitting on the floor since my hospital stay. I did all my laundry and put it away. I did all the things I need to do to be ready for work on Monday. It is time to start back on the path to normalcy.
I have to tell ya, Monday feels like the first day of the rest of my life.
Here we go....
072
7 comments:
Good luck on your first day!
Oh, Sherri Jo,
I am so happy for you that the torture of chemo is over! I don't doubt that you are very emotional! What a relief, and also the realization of all that you have worried about and endured as far as the chemo goes is now over! Though you may not think so, you have courageously held it together for yourself, your family, and your friends. You've had to---your mind had gone into a kind of "sleep mode" while you made it through each day. Now you can wake up and let yourself really feel what you have been through, and be truly thankful that it is behind you. Don't feel bad about feeling weak and out of shape. And, by all means, take REAL time for yourself, not just sick time. Your body has been to hell and back. But, now you can let the sun shine on your face, smile at the cool breeze, and be truly grateful. Your joy is evident, even through cyberspace! We are all so proud of you and are so happy for you.
Praying prayers of thanksgiving for your triumphs and continued healing! Love, Cathy
Hey there great lady, greetings from DC and all your Alliance buddies here who love you. The letter you sent was simply beautiful, and you go girl with the challenges you sent our way. You should receive pics and emails aplenty soon--be sure you get the pic of Annette as a Sarah Palin look-alike! Glad you liked the book; figured that the humor and irreverence would appeal--that's part of getting through all this too! Hope that the first days of the rest of your life are going well. just a few steps at a time still puts you on the path...
Hi Sherri Jo...I miss you greatly at these meetings..and hope that you are getting on the road to wellness and soon to return to us!
the very best
Karen Carpenter/nh
Treat yourself with extreme patience and kindness. You won’t just be getting yourself back together; which is an awesome task for body and spirit but you will be stronger and even more beautiful for the wisdom which is the gift beyond the misery.
I hope this note finds you better and better each day.
Love and Good Wishes, Susan H in IL
I noticed that after going to Wal-Mart you had to take a two hour nap. I think I can relate to that!!
Brother Mike
Wal-mart tends to leave me exhausted too and I haven't been through chemo!
Hey, the weather is turning, fall in Arkansas is around the corner, what a grat time to get outside and start working on regaining your strength!
We are thinking of you!
Terri and David....
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