Friends are quick to smile and tell me I am beautiful. They laugh and giggle and want to touch my hat or scarf as if touching my long gone hair. It isn't a nervous laugh, but more of a genuine, it's-good-to-see-you're-okay kind of laugh. And I thought I would feel awkward and shy upon seeing each friend for the first time without hair. Instead it is usually a happy moment.
Strangers are even better. They exclaim with grand exaggeration how much they love a certain hat or the color of my scarf! Even though they don't know me, they want to somehow reach out and offer me encouragement during this challenging time. They don't feel free to address my illness directly, so they offer their praises to whatever adorns my head at the moment. It's pretty darned cute. I love this kindness from strangers.
There are a small number of people that can not acknowledge it at all and they really don't want you to acknowledge it either. They're afraid to say anything to you and become very nervous if you say anything about it. They are more uncomfortable in their own normal skin than I am in my wacky bald head! I guess it takes all kinds....
So just remember, if you haven 't seen me yet - I'll be the one in the funny hat.
On another note, chemo #3 is Friday. This round will mark the half way point! My oncologist says the middle sessions of your regimen tend to be the hardest. She said she used to believe there was a medical reason for it and would run multiple tests and exams on people. Now she believes it has more to do with the patient's attitude - feeling tired of the treatments and yet knowing you still have more to go. I'm hoping the halfway mark makes me feel accomplished vs. dreadful of the remainder. I still feel lucky that this has been so tolerable.
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5 comments:
For those of us who haven't gotten to see you yet, can you post a pic?
Cathy
Hi it's Michele Corey...I've been checking in a couple of times on your blog.
My heart completely went out to you when you received the BRAC news and I found I just couldn't write back just yet - my own fear has now become a reality for another amazing woman that didn't ask to join the breast cancer club, but was unknowingly brought into an amazing group of big hearted women that have been and are currently there. Your heart is in your words and your blog is authentic!
One of the gifts I often receive from stangers is..."I had your hair cut aka baldness X years ago, how are you doing? You look beautiful!" And they mean it.
I also get stares that turn away and briefly look back to see me smiling as if to say, it's ok. Some times they smile back or come over and engage me, other times they turn in their own discomfort. I remind myself that it's about them and not me.
I get that being bald in public is really all about me being me, about you being you. I've learne to just decide to be "naked" and allow the sun to beam down (don't forget sunscreen) or feel the wind gently blow on my scalp (it feels good) and stand in my power of simply being me - I hope the same for you.
I look forward to your pictures. I just changed my http://www.KneeDeepBlog.com banner to reflect my own baldness. Interestingly my hair is just starting to grow back.
I saw someone in radiation with a very short crew cut and asked how long have you been "growing" your hair...2.5 months was the answer. So I have another month-ish to go until I sport similar fluff.
Keep wearing your hats and love them for keeping you warm, keeping you feeling safe in public, reminding you that this is one of many life journeys, reminding yourself you are beautiful regardless of how you are looking and sometimes feeling, reminding yourself to be kind to yourself, and to remind youself that all you need to do is ask for what you want from others and they are often more then happy to serve, comfort, joke, and even cook for you! And if you want to be "naked" just do it.
I look forward to your picture.
Warm Regads, Michele
You guys will have to wait awhile for a picture. My husband took the camera with him on a trip this week!
I *might* work up the courage to be *naked* in public one day. Right now my scalp just feels so vulnerable and in want of protection. And I will definitely need sunscreen cause my head is WHITE!
Michelle, Thanks for stoping by and for the words of affirmation. The BRCA news has been stunning for most everyone... but especially for those who belong to the "sisterhood."
SJ,
Just got caught up and am glad to hear you sound like you're doing pretty well with all of this.
I admire your strength and courage and wish you the best through these 'middle' treatments.
Have you listened to any Sinead O'Conner lately?!
(;
Nic
Sherri Jo,
You will feel blessed to be halfway through the treatments, and doubly blessed that you have not been really sick. It is going to be OK...just focus on the positive, your family and friends, and the good times you have each day...even if they are only about a minute at a time.
You have an amazing support group, both here in LR and on the blog. Lean on us whenever you need to, and we will be here for you.
I am sure you look beautiful in your hats and scarves--it's all in your smile and eyes anyway.
Hope to see you soon! I think we need to insist that Dan has a housewarming party on the 4th!!!
Love, Cathy
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