Waiting

Like so many other women, it started with a lump. I'm pretty good about doing self exams, but I simply felt this one while soaping up in the shower. It took me two weeks to convince myself it was actually a lump... another week to make the appointment.

The radiology assistant who had been very chatty became suddenly quiet when she was performing the ultrasound on the lump. I could see the screen myself and I could see it was a solid mass. 7 millimeters.

The biopsy occurred about a week later on a Thursday. It was a fairly easy procedure, very little pain. I went by myself because Ben, my husband, was out of town. Within a few hours a large hematoma began to develop. The doctor had warned me of such an outcome. The mass is high on my chest wall, close to a lot of muscle and therefore close to a lot of blood vessels. The hematoma was painful and it was hard to move around. My breast turned black and blue - more black than blue.

The call came on the following Monday. It is cancer - infiltrating, ductal carcinoma grade 3. I don't understand what all that means yet, but I know grade 3 is the highest level. I am scheduled to meet with Dr. Westbrook on Weds. morning. He says he will order an MRI and a type of CT scan. There are other tests we will have to perform in order to stage the cancer. We won't make any decisions on Weds, we will simply talk.

Talking is good.

I put out a few emails to friends and co-workers informing them of the diagnosis. A flood of generous emails and phone call were quickly returned. The best way I know how to deal with all this is to reach out to my friends and family. I need their support and encouragement. I asked everyone to circle the wagons and shoot! It's time to fight.

I feel strong and capable of dealing with this. I am not scared - only dreadful of the process. This is a very curable disease if caught early, and I hope we have done that. I have no idea what all this will involve, but I know a lumpectomy or mastectomy will be first. I am fond of my boobs and don't like the idea of losing one - but what the heck - I'll just get another one! A newer, perkier one. And maybe I'll get the healthy one tightened up a bit to match! I've heard of one procedure where they take the fat from your stomach and use it to make a breast - so you get a tummy tuck to boot. And insurance pays!

I decided to start this blog as a way of keeping people updated on my progress. So many wonderful friends have asked to stay informed. The blog will allow everyone to stay informed on their own schedule and avoid overcrowding in your inbox. (I can be verbose, at times.) It will also allow me a place to vent. I named it Melon Wars.... for obvious reasons. I'll save that discussion for another day.

Feel free to leave me comments. I will try to post regularly.