Hurry Up And Wait

When the doctor's office let me know my surgery had to be re-scheduled, I almost told them they had to send a bottle of valium to me as a penalty fee! And the valium wasn't for me only - some of my friends and family were more stressed about the re-scheduling than I was! It was frustrating, but I made the decision not to get upset about it. The scheduler told me that the doctor had some personal business he had to take care of. I figure the doctor is a human too and needs his time now and then. The date will come soon enough.

Now that the initial shock of the word CANCER has worn off and I have better information, I am trying to scale down the drama of everything. (Me? A drama queen?) It's very easy to get caught up in the fear and emotion of cancer and get carried away. It can consume you. I have to stop and remind myself that this isn't a terrible tragedy - at least not yet. Yes - I will have a scar on one of the loveliest parts of my body. Yes - the chemo will make me lose my hair and feel bad. Yes - I will have to live with some uncertainty (don't we all every day?). But I will get better, and I will go on with my life for the time being. And what if I have a recurrence? I'd hate to think that I'd spent my limited time moping or in some heightened state of anxiety or crisis. I have to learn to deal with this diagnosis with some amount of peacefulness.

I'm not promising that there won't be bad days or that I won't whine. I'm not promising to swear off all drama... I'm just saying that I am trying to decrease the drama and raise the peace. Having a treatment plan helps a great deal. I know where I'm going now and what I have to do.

Speaking of a treatment plan... I had an opportunity to speak with Steven, a good friend of mine who is a surgeon living in Miami. Steven concurred with my decision to have a lumpectomy vs. mastectomy and laid out all of his reasons why. As he was speaking, he echoed all of my thoughts almost exactly. It was so comforting to have someone with great knowledge and experience, who knows me well, to reach the same conclusion as I did. I was having some anxiety about my decision, but after talking to Steven, I know I've made the best choice for me without a doubt. Why didn't I talk to him sooner?

Btw - I was finally able to get out of jury duty. It took me awhile to get someone on the phone, but once I did, they were very nice. I had to ask my doctor to fax a letter stating that I needed to be excused for medical reasons. I feel kinda weird because I don't have a piece of paper or anything that verifies I've been excused - I only have the word of the bailiff over the phone. What's the penalty for skipping out on jury duty?